


Stargazing

by McWafflesss



Category: Love Island (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emotional, F/M, Feels, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24534061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McWafflesss/pseuds/McWafflesss
Summary: Bobby McKenzie is in desperate need of some cash and needs it fast. 50 grand for a summer romance seems easy enough. Following the money has got to be easier than following your heart, right? Will Bobby risk everything to win the game that started it all, or lose everything and take the fall? What price would you pay for love?
Relationships: Bobby McKenzie & Main Character (Love Island)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 25





	1. Scar Tissue

**Author's Note:**

> I’m absolutely obsessed with this game and am in LOVE with Bobby. I wanted to mention that I don’t think Bobby is a player. I think he’s sweet, thoughtful, and compassionate. He cares for all his friends and feels deeply, that the closeness comes across the wrong way, but his loyalty never fails. The best part about Bobby is his heart, but I just thought that “Player” Bobby might make for a good, emotion-packed story. This is an in-villa story, attached with some of its original dialogue and timeline structure, but will have original content told from Bobby's POV. A disclaimer is that I’m American, so I apologize in advanced if I can’t keep up with the original dialect, but I’m going to try my best to keep up. I’m so excited to write this and hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it! Please let me know what you think!

Can you pass by the Grocer’s to pick up some milk on your way home?

The phone of my screen brightened, displaying my notification. It was my younger sister, Annie. I replied quickly, shoved my phone back into my pocket, and made a mental note to not forget.

“Oi, Bobby, what’s the hold up? Is the last batch ready, lad? Are we clear to go home?” There was an echo from the hallway leading into the kitchen. We were cleaning off for the remainder of the day and were waiting on the last batch of scones for tomorrow morning.

“Yeah, mate. Just putting them aside to let them cool off. I think we’re all set.” I replied as I closed up the oven and looked around the bakery for a last-minute inspection.

_Dishes? Set. Daily list? Check. Cleaning? Done._

Hell, I even got around to get a head start for tomorrow to ease the load off.

_Am I forgetting something?_

Oliver popped his head through the hallway and rolled his eyes at me, “Then why is your apron still on?” He reached out and removed it from me, “Why is it that I always have to pull you away from this kitchen every single day?” He said jokingly with a hint of concern. “You’ve been working too hard mate; you need to make some proper time to rest too.” Oliver hung my apron and sighed a long and heavy sigh. He turned around and looked at me straight, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “I know how it is, Bobby. But I worry about you too. You look out for everyone else but you… someone has got to look after you too.”

_There is no time._

“You’re right, Oli,” I flashed him a smile. “You’re absolutely right,” I pat his back and turned him around to start walking out the kitchen. “I think I’ve just been over-stressed with this new promotion on the line. We really need this mate, and everything needs to be perfect until the decision is made.”

“Oh, lad, you’re definitely going to get it. Don’t even stress, they’ll be mad not to. I can look at it now, Bobby McKenzie, Lead Baker, taking out the pastry world by a storm.” I cracked a smile and for a second, everything felt like it was going to be alright.

That is until we stopped in front of the elevator. My heart dropped. Oli cleared his throat and spoke so softly, it was almost hard to hear, “it’s the end of the month.” I didn’t need to hear that to know what happened next. I sighed heavily, pushed the button to call the elevator, and closed my eyes.

All too quickly we arrived at the administrative wing of the hospital. “Bobby, Oli! It’s always so nice to see you two.” I gave a weak smile to the receptionist as she greeted us warmly. “It’s uhm.... Quite a shame that it’s under these circumstances,” she continued.

There was an awkward pause. I opened my mouth, but my mind went blank. I was too tired. I was always tired. Oliver shrugged it off and offered her a genuine smile, “Don’t say that, Abi, we’re always so happy to see you.” Abigail blushed.

“So, what’s the damage?” He said cheerfully as if he was unbothered. Abigail shuffled awkwardly as she grabbed a large file from the cabinet beneath her. She opened up and out poured the bills, most of them being overdue. “You drive a hard bargain, Abi. We’ll settle for the usual then,” he locked his eyes on the desk and he reached out for his checkbook. I did the same.

-

“So, how is she?” Annie smiled sadly as she stored the milk, “How’s Nanna?”

_Terrible._

“She’s doing better, isn’t she Bobs?” Oliver gave Annie a reassuring smile. “She’s a fighter. She wanted us to tell you that she loves you very much and is doing her best to get better for your graduation. So, she wants you to do your best to get to Uni.”

Annie jumped back into her seat with a hopeful smile, “Really? She’s doing better?”

There was a pause and that’s when I noticed that Annie was staring at me, looking for answers. I did my best to stay strong and give her a convincing nod. She visibly relaxed and continued her homework with a pep.

I hate lying, but most of all, I hate lying to Annie. But she was on her way to greatness, everyone could see that. And soon enough, she was going to get out of here. She was going to be somebody, and I’m going to help her get there no matter what that price tag would cost.

_If only, that was the only cost._

I glanced at the letters by the cupboard and opened them up.

_Great, more bills._

It wasn’t always like this. Things weren’t always this hard. Life wasn't this heavy. Things were never this dark. Dad always had a way with making things feel easier, and more lively, even when they weren't. When times were rough, he always had a way of pushing through with a positive outlook and it was contagious. He had a great sense of humor, one that I try to live life by. My dad was a good man, through and through, and there wasn't a day when I missed him. He believed that a smile can make all the difference, and that’s why he always wanted to crack on jokes. At a young age, it was always annoying. How can Dad be so lame? This cheesy? Mum didn’t actually think he was this funny, right? It wasn’t until he was gone that I realized that it was never about the jokes. Dad was creating moments, because that’s all that mattered. Those little moments in time that you carry with you, and miss, not knowing those were the best times of your life. Dad always wanted to make sure that we were happy even if that meant to his expense... I see that now. I just hated the fact it took me this long to appreciate it. So I try to honor him, the best way I know how- the way he taught me to live. To give and have a good laugh despite the ugly, because laughter was a reminder that everything was going to be okay.

_Right until it wasn’t..._

Dad died unexpectedly, when I was younger, and that came into a shock to everyone. After that, things started to progressively get worse. Mum couldn’t manage the life we had built, so she had to take up another job. We didn’t see much of her, and when we did, she was always so tired. Nanna picked up the slack around the house, until she couldn’t. Not long after my Dad’s passing, that Nanna fell ill. She’s been in and out of the hospital so much, sometimes, it’s hard to build up the courage to visit her.

Oliver is my cousin, but more importantly, he’s my best mate. He's lived with us since we were kids and always seemed to take care of us since then. He and Nanna moved in together and never went back, and honestly, we wouldn't have it any other way. We loved having them around. I mean sure, it was crowded, but we had each other and that's all that mattered. Having them around was more important than having to share rooms.

Oli noticed the struggle and stepped up for Annie and I. Although we never were in school together, (since he’s only a few years older than me), we were really close. And soon thereafter, he loaded a lot of responsibility to himself and became the supporting pillar to us all. He did that for us. He held us together. He let Mum know that he’d help and quickly managed to hitch a job at the hospital working breakfast rounds. He was so liked that we managed to find away to lower our outstanding balance to the hospital, to generously small, monthly payments. I’ve always wanted to pitch in, but Oli wouldn’t let me. He said I’d have to finish school before I worried about getting a job. Once I finished high school, I asked if he’d help me get a job and that how I settled as a caterer. He said I always had a nick for it, ever since Nanna thought me and figured I’d fit in well.

“It’ll be okay,” Oli said softly behind me, taking the letters from out of my hand and shoving it into his own pocket. “We have to believe that. It’s what he would’ve wanted, right?”

-

I couldn’t believe it. Un-fucking-believable. I had it. I had the promotion and I let it slipped right through me. How? How could I have fucked this up so bad? How could they do this to me? How could I let this happen? Of course, this happened. Of course, I fucked this up. Of course, they’d go with an outside hire. How could I believe that I was qualified?

“Mate, you need to calm down.” Oliver tried to settle me down.

“Calm down?” My words caught in my throat, “Calm down?”

I was disappointed. Angry. Frustrated. This was it; this was my one shot to make things right. This raise wouldn’t make miracles, but it would’ve at least been a start. I let them down. I couldn’t even look at Oli in the face. I was ashamed.

“We needed this, Oli. We needed this raise. You do everything you can. Mum does everything she can. Nan did everything she could. Dad did everything he could. Now I need to do everything I can and I failed. We’re behind on bills. Annie going to go to Uni soon. Nanna’s expenses are overdue and piling up. We needed this.” Hot tears threaten to trickle down my eyes and my voice cracked in between words.

Oliver shook his head and couldn’t hide his hurt look, “Bobby this isn’t on you. This isn’t your burden. Stop trying to fix everything. Just stop.”

There was a moment of silence and he sat next to me, “All you do is worry Bobby. This isn’t good for you. You’re always trying to fix things, even when you were too young to fix things. You’re always trying to figure things out for everyone, but yourself. You need to take a breather. I think you should take a moment for yourself. A holiday would be good for you, mate.”

“What? Oli, what the fuck are you saying? A holiday? Have you lost your goddamn mind? You really want me to spend more money we don’t have… on a holiday? For fuck sakes, mate.... I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but this isn’t about me. This is for them. You know that." I buried my face in my hands, embarrassed.

"I just thought-" he said softly.

"-If not me, then who? This can't all just weigh down on you and Mum, Oli. Where are we supposed to get this kind of money? How are we supposed to just whip out a fuck load of cash?" I turned to face him, When does it get better?” I looked at him for answers even though that wasn't fair. I didn’t mean to lash out on him, either, and he knew it; but I couldn’t help it. I was desperate. I was scared. 

_When does it get better?_

“We’ll figure it out, mate.” He reaches to me and pulls me in for a firm hug, “We always do.”

-

“I got it!” Oliver ran into the bakery enthusiastically. “Bobby, I got it!” He ignored all the stares and snarls he received from everyone else in the kitchen.

“What’s got your mouth running, lad.” I started the mixer, “Spit it out already.”

Oliver stopped in front of me, and slammed his hand against the table exaggeratedly sending flour everywhere. He took deep breaths until finally, he looked at me with a mischievous grin and popped some chocolate chips into his mouth.

“Get on with it then. We don’t have all day,” I continued to roll the dough laid out in front of me, as I waited for the mixer to finish.

“I was doing my usual rounds around the hospital. Which by the way, your cupcakes were a massive hit. So anyways, during my route, I saw a crowd forming around the telly, and—”

“Oliver!”

“Right, on with it then,” he smirked as he shoved his phone into my face, displaying an application. “How would you feel spending your summer with a bunch of fit babes and winning 50 grand?”


	2. Stellar

I can’t believe Oliver convinced me to go through with this. This is mad, isn’t it? Absolutely mad. And I’ve gone completely bollocks for listening to him! The more I tried to understand it all, the less sense it made. I replayed it all on my head, trying to focus on a single train of thought rather than the multiplicity of it all.

_“Oliver,” I shrugged him off for what seemed like the hundredth time that day._ _“Stop trying to send me away to holiday. We talked about this, remember? I belong here with you guys. Your cute little plan to push me on a holiday isn’t going to work, so quit trying to send me away. I’m not falling for it.” I buried my face in my pillow after another long shift. “I’m staying,” I stretched myself out like a starfish, finally the muscles of my body relax._

_“You’ve got mental, you have.” Oliver groaned under his breath. “This is a quest, are you listening to me? This is your mission, and should you choose to accept will grant you access to 50 grand,” he said enthusiastically. “That’s 5-0-0-“ he pressed on._

_“Are you serio-“ I flipped on my back to face him._

_He held up a finger, commanding me to shut up. “0-0. That’s 5 digits, you know.”_

_I rolled my eyes at him as he laughed and slapped my leg to make some room for him. He took a seat next to me but his eyes were focused on his phone, probably staring at the bloody application again. I took a deep breath and exhaled heavily as if all my exhaustion was going to blow away with it. “If you’re so keen on the idea, why don’t you do it Mr. James Bond?”_

_“It’s not me who needs this,” he whispered, his voice strained._

_I couldn’t help like I was disappointing him, again. The thought of it made my stomach knot. I looked at Oliver’s exhausted expression and that’s when I realized that he probably needed this as much as I did. I mean, he had to keep pushing the idea for a reason, right?_

_I sighed deeply, “Look, I’m not saying I’m on board. But let’s look at our options here. If I manage to get in, and that’s a big if, what if I don’t win? What if I spend my whole summer for nothing? Do you know how many paychecks I would be missing out on from my real job? How much real money I can provide at real time?”_

_Oliver turned his head so fast that his long, shaggy hair bounced right off his face. He beamed at me, the same look he always did right before he’d successfully convince me to do things that I probably wouldn’t had he not pushed me. “It’s only for the summer, I think we can manage. I’ll hold down the fort while you play the big leagues.” He started to plan ahead but his words didn’t translate. I was too busy being focused into my own thoughts that I couldn’t process anything else. Oliver notice me distracted and he frowned, “Alright?”_

_“Have you even considered being realistic?” I bit down on my lower lip and locked my eyes to the floor._

_He paused, taken aback , almost as if the possibility never even crossed his mind. He shook his head vigorously and continued, “You’re a god lad, mate. What are you worried about? There’s no way you won’t make an impression. You’re handsome,” he paused for dramatic effect. He waited until I cracked a smile before he began speaking again, “Of course, second to me, but you’re charming and funny so that makes up for it.”_

_He ducked as I threw a pillow his way, knocking down some of his books. He laughed it off but replied back with a serious and honest tone this time, “Everybody loves you, Bobby. You’ve got a lot more to give to this world… more than you think. Don’t cut yourself short of a chance here.”_

_His words repeatedly bounced around my mind like an echo. “Everybody loves you.” Everyone loves me. Sure, I had a lot of mates. Yeah, I’ve had my fair share of options. Certainly, I’ve had to break the “let’s be friends,” line a few times too. But has anyone ever been in love with me? Doubts started to cripple me. This was a terrible idea from the beginning and it was starting to show._

_“What if I come back empty handed? What if I don’t even last a day?” I pulled myself to sit up on my bed. My fingers fiddled with each other as I stared at my feet._

_“Then you can at least say you tried, right? That’s more than enough. You’ll feel better if you did, I know it. You’ll come back home, we’ll have some kicks about it with some drinks… and before you know it we’ll turn on the telly and laugh at the other blokes together.” He chuckled. He noticed my silence, frowned, and smacked me in the back of my head. “Get a grip, mate. You’re Bobby fucking McKenzie. It’s not like you to be swallowed up hopeless like this. If anyone can do this, it’s you, for crying out loud.”_

_“I think you’re expecting too much.”_

_“No, I think you’re not giving yourself enough credit, mate. You never do.” He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked frustrated, but only for a minute before his whole body shrugged, as if shaking negative energy off. “You’re looking at this the wrong way, McKenzie. Look at the bigger picture. What if you win? What if it pays off and you win?” He smiles excitedly with his usual energy, “You can win this Bobby. I know you can. If I’m betting on anyone, it’s you. I believe in you. And trust me when I say I think you need this more than you think. Besides, what do you’ve got to lose?”_

_I thought about the prize money and what it meant. It meant Mum wouldn’t have to exhaust herself with two jobs. It meant it would be a start for Annie’s student funds for Uni, at least enough of it, for a while. Enough to buy me time to get adjusted to things again. It would also mean that we would be able to pay off Nanna’s settlements and finally secure her a top spot on the transplant list. This would also mean that Oli would have to worry about less, myself included to his list. This was for them. I had to get over myself and just fucking try. It’s the least that they deserve, for me to fucking try._

_I held my breath, defeated, “okay.”_

_“Okay? Okay!” Oli jumped up and punched his first to the air._

_I rolled my eyes and used my leg to kick him to his bed. I laughed as he stumbled and reached out for his video camera at that awkward position. “Let’s just get this over with before I change my mind. Besides, what are the odds that I’d actually get selected? I’m sure there is like thousands of applications submitted, right? Maybe I’m just overthinking this and I won’t even be on the damn telly. Maybe we’re spending this whole time bickering for nothing.” I stand up, confidently, surprised to come to the realization that I feel better. Lighter. Hopeful._

_“Yeah, wouldn’t you like that,” Oli chuckled as he tackled me to the ground, clearly in response to my kick from earlier._

“Alright, Bobby?” Gary voice snapped me back into reality. I stopped into a step, not realizing that I was absentmindedly walking around the patio in circles. He pats me on the back and gives me a reassuring squeeze. The boys all turn and look at me intently.

Suddenly, all the doubts started washing over me. We got a notice that the girls would be arriving soon and the reality of it all started sinking in. Who was I kidding? How was I supposed to win against these lads?

_Taller. Fitter. A professional athlete, really?_

Suddenly I felt sick. Here I was, standing before them referring to them as the competition, not lads. What have I become to? This was not like me. In fact, had it been on any other circumstances I think we would’ve been great mates. They seem like really good sort, but I knew I couldn’t afford to steer of the road. This was not the time for a stroll, it was me checking my blind spots.

“Yeah, uhm, it’s just all a bit much… don’t you think? My head’s sorta spinning.” I have a sheepish grin, clearly not doing a good job with hiding the fact I was nervous.

Gary arched an eyebrow, nodded, but reassured me with a smile. “Mate, get your game face on. We all came here for a reason, right? Own it!”

Yes, I had to believe that I can absolutely do this. I was in. Bloody hell, this was bollocks, but I made it! This was not the time to second guess myself… from here on out, I had to be quick on my toes. Do it for Mum. Do it for Nanna. Do it for Annie. Do it for Oli. Do it for Dad.

_But how?_

I hadn’t actually had the best track record for relationships. I’ve heard it all, way too many times. “Bobby, I think we’re better as friends.” “Bobby, I don’t want to risk our friendship.” “Bobby, you’re more like a brother to me.” As if it wasn’t hard enough to make a connection with a lass, they had to go ahead and turn me down too.

I needed a game plan. But, what? How should I act? _Who_ should I be?

Oliver’s words echoed in the back of my brain. “Lad, you’re overthinking. It’s all about having fun. You’re a laugh and everyone is going to see that too. You show people a good time, that they just gravitate to you. You have nothing to worry about, you’ll see.”

Clearly, I didn’t anticipate that the competition would be this fierce. Obviously, I wasn’t prepared. I really need to step up my game and fast.

“Bobby, your aura is all thrown off man...it’s really killing the mood. Just breathe the positive energy in, and exhale all the toxic out. How about it? Go ahead, follow my lead,” Rocco started to take deep breaths and waved his hands around for guidance. Gary rolled his eyes.

“It’s okay to be nervous, I think.” Everyone turned to glance at Noah. He hadn’t said much since we got here. He’s a man of few words, but he always spoke up when it mattered. His expression was cool and collected, “Honestly, it’s good to be nervous… it means you’re here for the right reasons.” This lad was hard to read. He gave us a friendly smile and said, “But first impressions are important, so let’s have a freak out about this after we meet the girls, yeah? I hear someone coming now.”

We nod and hurry off into position quickly.

A beautiful lass walks in wearing a dark green, two-piece. The swimsuit complimented her curves in all the right places, that you didn’t know where to look. Her long legs lead her gracefully into the patio but her radiant smile commanded the floor. Her long brown hair bounced around like peaceful waves and jumped to a halt in front of her face as she stopped. She giggled to herself and she pushed back the loose stands of her hair back, playfully.

_She was captivating._

She glanced over us and I could already feel myself begin to tense up. I was so worried about the boys, that I didn’t think about the girls. I mean of course I knew, but I didn’t expect them to be this fit. Where they all this fit? Will we hit it off? Am I their type on paper? How was I supposed to impress someone so stunning?

“Hey boys, I’m Luna. I reckon’ I’m a great cook. Full disclosure, I’m a total geek, at heart. And I don’t mind being the big spoon every now and then,” she smiles playfully.

_Luna._

I hadn’t realized that I was holding my breath until I heard her voice. I swallowed hard and shuffled on my feet as her glace went down the line. She was lively and wasn’t afraid to put herself out there. I rate that. 

“I should probably get the formalities out of the way. I’m a musician. Drummer… in a band. And I’m real excited to get to know all of you.” She starts to make her way down the line. 

“All I heard was that you’ve got great rhythm and upper body strength,” Gary smirked. Her smile turned mischievous as she studied him, clearly sizing him up. He took this as an invitation, clearly satisfied. “Alright? My name’s Gary. Nice to meet you,” he visibly flexes and she flashes him a cheeky smile.

“Hi, I’m Noah,” he introduces himself. She mouths ‘hi’ and I swear I could see him blush underneath his wink.

The closer she got, the more nervous I became. I could see the way her swimsuit hugged her form and it was distracting. The way she carried herself though, was by far more, the most attractive thing about her.

She seemed to be really hitting it off with the other lads, so how would I compare? How could I impress? What kind of impression would make a statement? I was so lost in thought that before I knew it, she was standing right in front of me, offering me a friendly smile. It was impossibly intoxicating, and for a moment, all I could think about was her… it was _relaxing._

So much so, that I started to talk before I even had a chance to think, “Hey gorgeous, saving the best ‘till last were you? I’m like the sweet dessert at the end of a main course of beefcake.”

I wanted to slap my hand to my face and throw myself into the pool. Is that the best I can come up with? _Beefcake?_ What was I thinking? This wasn’t just a lass at an arcade I just so happened to come across. This was a straight ten in a villa full of intimidating competition. She has other tens to choose from and I came up with _that?_

To my relief, she burst into laughter and my heart leapt. I concentrated on her cute laughter, that it washed away any insecurities I felt at the moment. Why would I possibly stand here, moping around and comparing myself with these other lads, when I can just concentrate on her?

I mean, sure, I’m fit. I kind of knew that I was a handsome lad, but I wasn’t always the top pick either. There’s always someone taller, fitter, more confident. And in this competition, it is no different; I wasn’t blind. And if I noticed, then _she_ definitely noticed. But somehow, none of that mattered for the moment, because she was connecting with me in an honest and wholesome way. I held on to that.

“Are you saying you’re sweeter than these other guys?”

“Maybe you should pick me to find out…”

Her phone beeps and she playfully bites her lip as she silently reads. She backs into position, probably to get a good look of everyone and takes a deep breath. “Right, so now I have to ask… If any of you boys fancy me, please step forward.”

I turn over to the boys to scope out the competition. I noticed Gary was the first step forward, confidently at that. Rocco followed suit with a sheepish smile, with Ibrahim right after. I turn just in time to notice Noah start to lean forward but hesitate when he sees that most of the lads have already stepped up.

_I’m with you, lad._

But he decides against it and stays in his place, stares at his hands for a moment before his gaze is locked to the grass. His look turns my direction and it’s apparent that I’m the only one who actually noticed. He shrugs to try and play it cool, but can’t escape the fact he looks defeated. I see his sad look, which gives me the strength to move forward.

_I can’t be defeated. I won’t be defeated._

I didn’t want to stand around and feel sorry for myself. This was bigger than me. I came all this way…

_Do it for them._

I glance my way over to Luna and she’s already looking at me. Just one look from her was all it took for me to follow her. As if by instinct, I stepped forward.

She smiles genuinely and this was the first time that I took a good look at her profile, without overthinking anything. Without a worry, without a doubt, it was just me, at that moment and I had to make it count.

She had full set up lips that looked so soft… they were hard not to look at. She also had a pair of dimples on each side of her cheeks that complimented her enchanting smile. Her eyes were light brown but looked somewhere between hazel and honey in the sunlight; which seemed appropriate seeing as it matches how she presents herself… she was _sweet._

The way she looked at me, warmed up. I could feel my heart thumping faster against my chest and somehow, I felt guilty. I knew at that instant that I did not step forward for them, rather, I stepped forward for _me._

“Bobby, why did you step forward?”

Her question snapped me back to reality. I had to remind myself that this was a competition and remembered all the lads expressed interest in her, in one way or another. I’d like to think that we all have bonded, and bounced off each another pretty; hell, I even _wanted_ to be friends with them. But the truth of the matter is… that’s who we all were, right? Just each other’s competition? We all fancied her, this was the fact. She was spoiled with choice. How was I supposed to stand out?

Suddenly I remembered all the times I failed to make an impression. All the times that I was friendzoned. All the times I was rejected. And all the guys I was turned down for. I channeled the cockiness of all the other pricks who’ve gotten a yes, when I got the no. I thought about all the backhanded compliments that were ignored because of self-confidence. I had to act like them because girls like bad boys, _right_?

“You seem like the kind of girl that doesn’t go over the top with her look, I rate that. I don’t want the competition when we stand next to each other you know.” I try not to cringe as the words left a bad taste on my tongue. I knew Mum would’ve smacked me upright my head. Nanna would’ve scarfed my mouth with soap. Abbie would’ve rolled her eyes at me. And Oli would’ve given me a disappointing look. That’s not how I was raised to treat a lady, but that’s certainly how you’d win the game… _right?_

I gave her a confident grin, but it instantly dropped as did her smile. My heart dropped and I regret it immediately. “Joking, of course! Anyway, you know if you pick me you’ll be laughing all the way to the bedroom.” I had no time to think, just do, and hopefully salvage whatever was left of my impression.

“And in it,” Gary remarked and I made a mental note to shove him in the pool later.

But her smile returned and she was still staring right at me. My stomach was in swirls and I tried my best to hide my blush. She didn’t laugh at Gary’s joke, not even a snicker, instead she was smiling at me. She continued on questioning the lads after she gave me a last look, but all I could think about was her laughs. She laughed at all my jokes. She smiled when I was just _me._ I didn’t have to be anyone else, Bobby McKenzie did that.

_I did that._

That was enough to get my head spinning, but I couldn’t help but fear that my bad remark was enough to push her away. Maybe I fucked this up enough for her to consider any of these other lads instead. I started to prepare myself for the worse.

“I know I’ve only just met you all, but I do have to choose, so…” her voice was soothing like frosting on a cupcake.

I shut my eyes.

_It’s okay, this is only the beginning. There’s still four more. We can still win this. There’s gonna be a next one. Do better. Be better Be you._

I kept trying to console myself with lies about how any girl would do. I tried to find comfort to the idea of other possibilities and pretended as though it really didn’t matter to me if she picked me or not.

_Even if I do want to be with her._

_“_ The boy I want to couple up with is Bobby.”

_What? Wait, what the fuck just happened?_

I look around to the other guys, clearly shocked. “Cannot believe I’m the first lad to get picked.” I look her direction immediately, “But like in a good way.” I gave her a smile reassuring her that I had appreciated her decision. 

The boys all applaud as Luna walks to stand next to me. I straighten my posture feeling more confident and break out in a huge smile.

_I probably look like a proper idiot._

I chuckled to myself realizing that I didn’t care. She was next to me and I’m over the moon. “Hi, by the way. This isn’t how I usually meet people, but I’ve got to say I’m loving it so far.”

“Hi,” she gives me a shy smile that warms me up. This was the first time I see her all flustered up, and it was honestly cute. Her eyes glistened in a bashful manner that I didn’t even notice when the second girl appeared.

“I’ll go straight in and ask any of you that fancy me to step forward,” her voice was just as commanding as her stride. Her pink strips of hair fluttered with the wind. She had tattoos all over and gave off a scary, yet sexy kind of vibe. She looked like trouble.

“Being brutally honest, I was kind of hoping to see this guy here step forward, but I’m glad he didn’t.” She points to me. “I’m not about to steal someone else’s guy, even if Luna thinks she might.”

I can feel Luna tense beside me. I turn to see her roll her eyes, followed with a long exhale. I gave her a questioning look and she in return gave me a small shrug. “It’s not the way it sounds,” she started softly. “I’m not here to start drama, it’s quite the exact opposite, in fact.” She avoids my eyes. “She was going on about how all the girls were a team and shouldn’t step on each other’s toes, and I mentioned that it would’ve been difficult once you guys got here.”

I pause processing what I just heard. She wanted me to step forward. She fancies me too. That might be something to consider down the line. I felt sick at the pit of my stomach. I had this incredible woman standing next to me and I was assessing the playing field.

I was distracted in my own thoughts that I hadn’t reassured Luna. She shuffled uncomfortably at my pause and nervously played with her own hands.

“It’s not to say that I don’t care about their feelings…” her voice got fragile and she stole a glance towards the goth’s direction. “No matter how much Lottie feels that’s what I meant. I just don’t think we should be making promises like that when no one has even gotten a proper chance to meet everyone. I’m all about being mates, but I can’t commit to something prematurely like that. I was only being honest…” she trailed off, curling her loose hair strands in her fingers, and sighs sadly.

_Lottie._

“Don’t worry about it,” I whisper softly as the other girls start to couple up with the remaining lads. “I’m sure it’ll all turn out fine It’s the first day, so tension is undoubtably high. It’s only natural for everyone to stand on their toes and feel the need to be assertive.” She finally meets my gaze and looks relieved. “I’m sure everyone will understand. You gotta take care of yourself first, that’s why we’re all here, right?”

She smiles and looks a little embarrassed, “you’re right,” she nodded. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to go off on a rant. I guess I might be overreacting. It’s just…. It’s hard for me to make friends with other girls. I really thought this would be a fresh start for me, but now I’m scared I haven’t made the best impression.”

Every part of me wanted to give her my undivided attention. She was opening up right in front of me and I wanted to protect ger vulnerability. But reality starts to invade my thoughts and I start to listen to my own words.

_That’s why we’re here, right?_

“I think the boys will differ. You’ve got almost all of the lads to step up for you, didn’t you? I reckon’ you gave the best impression of us all.” I flashed her a smile and pull her in for a hug. She embraces me almost immediately and I tried not to think about how perfectly she felt in my arms. I tried to ignore the fact that I could hear my heart thumping and I pray that it was all in my head and that she actually couldn’t hear it.

“Don’t you go shy on me now,” I look down to face her and whisper into her ear. At the corner of my eyes, I could notice her blush furiously. She buried her face deeper into the hug and playfully hit my arms.

This only made me want her more. The fact that she was so overpoweringly confident in the crowd, but bashful and nervous with just us. It made this connection feel more intimate. Real, even.

_This is not real._

I had to remind myself that none of it this real. Dread started to wash over for me as guilt weighed over my conscience. I’m here for the cash, so I can’t afford to get sidetracked from me goal. I owe it to them. To my family. What was I doing, thinking that this was all for fun? That I would just run away with the girl? I need to put their needs before my wants. That’s the sacrifice I chose to make no matter what girl passed those gates. I knew that. I had to commit to that. I owed them that.

_This is not real._

“Let’s crack on,” the spicy Spanish girl had a cheeky smile and with that the villa started to disperse.

She pulled away and looked at me for a second as if she was studying me. Getting a little nervous and not wanting to show it I play it cool, “Why don’t you take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

She chuckles and positions her hands as though she’s holding a camera. She beams at me and pretends to click, “Stellar.”

I shake my head but couldn’t help but smile.

She makes a silly face and sticks her tongue out. Her hand reaches mine and fills the spaces between my fingers. “Come with me. Let’s get to know each other.” Her touch is warm and gentle and sends electricity running all throughout my body.

“You don’t beat around the bush, do you?” This new feeling was unsettling, but exciting. She squeezes my hand with hers and I let her pull me away. And just as before, I followed her, as if by instinct.

_No matter how beautiful._


	3. Freckles

There’s a pep in her step as she directs us towards the sun loungers next to the pool. I watched as her hair bounced with the wind, it was long and wavy and curled just at the edge of her hips. She finally let go of my hand and sits on one of empty seats. Her eyes were smoldering and I was glued into place. She gave me a cheeky smile, inviting me to come closer. Almost as if she read my thoughts, she tapped on the seat across from her but never broke eye contact.

I can’t even decide of which one drives me crazier, this sexy confident lass or the intimate and down-to-earth beauty. At this moment her confidence was driving us and I was up for the ride.

I followed her gaze and sat up across from her. There was a comfortable pause which I appreciated, gave me the opportunity to figure out what to say. Up until now, she only seemed to like me when I was just being myself. But is that really all it takes? This cant be that easy, surely?

My lips begin to part without even knowing what to say. But before I get a chance to say anything she leans and starts to rub her thumb over the side of my cheek, cupping my face. Her touch was soft and slow, but my heart began to pace fast and loudly. Surprised, I let out a nervous laugh. Half of me wanted to pull away and play it cool, but she was delicate and warm, that the better part of me wanted to lean into her touch and melt away.

“You have freckles,” she smiles. “They’re so cute,” the movement of her fingers stop, but stay in place. I try my best not to let my blood rush into my cheeks. She would’ve definitely felt my blush before she even got a chance to see it.

All too soon she drops her hand back to her lap and looks away, just in time to miss me blushing. “Sorry,” she chuckles nervously, “that was weird, wasn’t it?”

She was starting to get shy again and it was driving me wild. I never thought that I would be so attracted to someone who was this shy… but she had a real cute way of doing it; I couldn’t help myself.

I always loved a girl that was out there. I enjoyed a girl who always put others first and knew how to have a good time. But this? This was different. This connection was unlike anything I’ve ever had before and I wanted more of it. This was intimate. This was real. I could _feel_ it.

It went against everything I ever thought I liked, but I guess I never got this close enough to ever find out. No one has ever acted shy around me. I can’t remember ever making someone this nervous. They were always laughing at my jokes, but never hiding away from me. I guess I never really thought I could make someone feel this way. I never thought someone would ever take me this seriously, and I guess that includes myself.

I liked this. I liked being able to make her nervous. I liked giving her attention. But most of all, I loved the way she shied away when she blushed. It made me feel special, in a way. That I was the one who got to meet this side of her.

_How am I this lucky?_

“No, not at all,” I started. “I’ve always heard that I had the most beautiful eyes that sparkled like emeralds themselves,” I laid back against the sun lounger and rested my arms behind my head.

She turned around and had a plastered look that was half-surprised and half-impressed. I give her a playful laugh and she rolls her eyes as she noticed I was joking. “Don’t be so modest,” she gave me a half smile.

“I’m just a messenger,” I pressed on, jokingly. “It’s not my fault green just so happens to be your favorite color.”

Beside the edge of the pool there was accessories set in place. She started to reach for a beach ball and lunges it towards me. “You know I’m starting to rethink this coupling,” she laughs as the ball bounces over my head and lands in the pool. She watched it as it floated away, but I was concentrating on her smile. It was light, and playful, and centered me to this moment.

_I could spend all day trying to make her smile if I could._

“So green is your favorite color?” I smirk.

“That’s beside the point!” She reaches for a pool noodle.

“Alright, alright,” I raise up my arms away from my head and into a defensive stance. “Let’s not get aggressive,” I shift my body so that I’m facing her again. “Why don’t we just kiss and make up?”

She laughs heartedly and shoots me an unrecognizable glance as if overthinking what she was going to say next. Instead, she bites her lip and looks down at the noodle in her hand, distractedly. “They remind me of stars,” she said softly.

“What?” I asked more so to myself that to her.

Luna throws the noodle in the pool and doesn’t meet my gaze, “They remind me of the stars.” She took a moment to herself and I decide to wait it out, unsure as to where this was going. She breathes out slowly before her eyes meet mine from behind her eyelashes, “your freckles.”

She closes her eyes again as if it was protecting her in some way. “They’re beautiful,” she continued but her voice went soft. “I just really love the stars. I can’t explain it. I just always had a fascination of them. And looking at you, right now, it just feels right. I’m at peace, like if I was looking at the stars.” She pauses, but just for a moment, as if trying to figure out what to say next.

“It’s the first thing I noticed when I first saw you and it just felt right.” She finally opens her eyes but doesn’t look my way, instead she groans to herself and says, “Fuck this is embarrassing, I can’t believe I said that out loud. I’m a proper melt.” She drops her face into her hands and her hair covers around her.

_Freckles._

_Beautiful._

_Stars._

_Fuck._

I never thought about it that way. Freckles were just fucking freckles, no? I could’ve gone my whole life thinking that, but somehow now, it would just pale in comparison. She brought a unique perspective of the world that I wanted to be a part of. I would say that she wasn’t like most girls but that was cliché.

I look up at the sky, half expecting to see a night full of stars. She had a way of seeing things, ways that I wouldn’t have thought about and I didn’t know how to feel about it. A small part of me was frightened, but the majority part of me admired it. She wasn’t just fit; she has beauty that radiates from within. It was skin deep.

_She was beautiful._

I got up from my seat and sat next to her. Our thighs were barely touching, but I could feel the heat from her body. Suddenly, I was nervous. I placed a gentle touch on her knee to get her to look at me. When that didn’t work, I pushed away the bits of hair that hid her face with my free hand. With that, she finally turned to face me. She gave me a timid smile and every part of me wanted to lean in to kiss her.

_I could kiss her._

_I should kiss her._

I wanted to hold her and protect her from the rest of the world. I wanted to shelter her in my arms. I wanted to whisper sweet-nothings in her ear so she would bury her face into my hug, trying to hide her blush. Slowly, I lean in. She closes her eyes and does the same—

“Non-fiction is not only for kids!” We both turn around to see the ginger with the braided hair walk away from Gary. “There’s a lot more to literature, Gary.” He rubbed the back of his neck as if deciding his next move. He stays still for a minute before he takes a deep breath and jumps up from the bean bag, following her into the kitchen.

It was at that moment that I realized where we were. It took me a minute to ground myself back into reality. It was so easy to lose myself with this girl, and I’m not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

She sighs, though I couldn’t tell if she was relieved or disappointed. I turn to her to face her and was met with the realization that we were impossibly close. Tingles start from my finger tips and make their way to my stomach. It was apparent that the moment was gone, but strangely, I was okay with that. All that mattered was that she was still here, with me, and I wasn’t in rush in getting to know more about her.

“If I’m being honest, it’s such a weird trip coming in here and meeting all the girls. It’s like, I’ve been here 5 minutes and already I’m sitting next to the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen,” I give her a small smile but her eyebrows furrowed.

“You don’t need to say that just because I’ve embarrassed myself. Even if your freckles are beautiful,” she laughs to herself, shaking her head.

It was nice to see her being able to laugh at her own self. She was so in tune with her feelings that she wasn’t afraid of being embarrassed. Even if she was a bid timid, even then, she wasn’t afraid to put her cards on the table. I rate that. She shoots her shot and picks herself up. I respect that.

“It wasn’t a line,” I say as a matter-of-factly, “though, I guess it is a line. But I didn’t mean it as a line.” I raise my fingertips to the sides of my temples trying to gather my thoughts. “What I’m trying to say is… that I mean it. The competition is pretty fierce out here. For both of us. My head is spinning. It’s all so much to take in.” 

I look around to all the couples, trying to make up if any of the other lads were struggling besides me. Maybe there would be some comfort knowing I wasn’t the only one who didn’t know how to talk to girls. Ibrahim looked closed off and the Spanish girl seemed to be struggling. At the other end, Lottie seemed unamused as Rocco started signing to her, playing an air-guitar. Somehow, that didn’t make me feel better.

“It’s just a lot of pressure, really. I’ve never been put in a position this tough. Somewhere you constantly have to be thinking of what to do, or what to say, or what is too much.” My feet began to shake uncontrollably and I could feel myself tense up.

That all settles away as I feel her rest her hand on my shoulder. Her touch relaxes me. I turn to face her and give her a reassuring smile, “How are you feeling?”

“It is a lot all at once,” she nods.

“Tell me about it,” I groan. “I never even thought I’d make it in, and now there’s so much happening all at once.”

Her grip on my shoulder tightens, giving me a comforting squeeze, “It’s a lot all at once but I think you’re doing just fine.”

That was enough to pick me up. I could feel my walls come crashing down and the corners of my lips curl into an involuntary smile. “So, you picked me…” I trail off.

“You noticed that, huh?”

“I guess we should get to know each other a bit. Ask me anything! Go ahead, I’m an open book.”

She puts on a concentrated look and playfully rubs her chin as though she’s thinking hard. I brace myself for hard questions.

“What’s your favorite farmyard animal?”

“Uhm, what?”

“You heard me,” she says playfully.

“Okay,” I try not to laugh even though this was extremely awkward. “Are you sure that’s what you want to ask?” I pause but she does not falter. “Right then,” I chuckled, “I’ll have to go with a cow! No, wait… a sheep! No, wait…. Yeah, it’s definitely a hedgehog. Is that a farmyard animal? I don’t know, but they’re all cool.”

I catch myself and shake my head, trying to hide my grin. I can’t believe how easily I was so wrapped up into this. But most importantly, how I enjoyed it. She was not what I was expecting and I was loving every single moment of it. “What a great first date question,” I say honestly.

“The way I see it, I could ask you some real hard questions to force our compatibility or we can just continue having fun and figure out if we have a real connection, naturally.” Her dimples made another appearance. “The Villa shouldn’t be all about grafting, it should be about making our moments too.”

I touch my heart and gasp playfully. She chuckles and shoves me slightly. “Besides, I find that how people react to unexpected situations says a lot more about themselves than answering standard questions.”

“How do you mean?”

“I mean you could’ve called me out for asking something so weird. Or brushed me off and say that wasn’t a proper question and give me some backhanded response. Or you could’ve just shrugged me off and answer boringly to go with the flow…” her hand reached out me and gave me a playful nudge. “Or you could’ve joined in on my weirdness and get completely involved without a judgement in the world.” She smiled genuinely. “I think that says a lot about who Bobby is.”

I stare at her beautiful smile and I could feel all my walls come down. I begin to see her in a new light and feel like she can see me for who I am.

_I want to show her the real me._

I beam at her and excitedly press on, “this is fun! Ask me another?”

She paused for a brief moment before her eyes lit up, “what’s the weirdest place you’ve had sex?” Her smile grows wicked and she stares at me, daringly.

I choke on my own saliva and play it off as a cough.

_Cheeky._

“On the moon.” I say playfully, trying to play it off all cool, like a joke.

“I’m sorry, what?” She laughs in a confused manner.

“Well, obviously not the actual moon.” I start to get nervous. I pause for a moment and laugh to myself at the thought of it. “Well, hopefully one day.”

She starts to laugh and I feel like I could breathe again.

I smile at her. “But no, I was seeing this girl who was studying astrophysics. Anyways, we’d gone on a date to this museum that had a moon experience. With lunar rocks, and like, space dust and all that. Well, we spent so long looking around that eventually we got locked in. Let’s just say that neither of us were gonna waste that opportunity. I wore an astronaut’s helmet and everything!”

She laughs cheerfully and claps enthusiastically, “I applaud you.” She takes a moment to catch her breath and looks at me with a smirk, “must’ve been one hell of a performance.”

My chest puffs up as I sit up straighter, with a new sense of pride.

“Though I must admit that all I got from the story is that you like to do public bits.” Her voice says almost teasingly.

I blush and begin to rub the back of my neck. “Go on then,” I laugh nervously, “ask me another. I like being interviewed.”

“Right then,” her smirk gets cheeky after seeing my reaction. “I’m actually a mad scientist and I’ve successfully mastered my genius plan of creating the world’s first time-machine. Where are we going? Go!”

“Oh that’s dead easy,” I match her smirk. “I once baked my mate Louis’ wedding cake. But there was something I didn’t think about which still haunts me to this day.”

“What?” She leans in, obviously interested.

“That I didn’t make it hollow so I could hide inside it and jump out being all, ‘Surprise! Happy Wedding Day!’ He’s have loved that.” I smile at the thought of it. “He’d be all like, ‘what’ve you done, Bob?’ And then everyone would’ve laughed. Not sure how much his husband Dean would have like it, though.”

We break out in laughter together. There’s a brief moment when we stop and look into each other. “I’m really looking forward to getting to know you,” I lean in to kiss her cheek lightly, smiling.

I pull away to see her with a cheesy smile, with her dimples flexing harder than the usual.

_I want to remember this moment, as it is, forever._

I jump up to my feet, bend my knees as I position myself in front of her, as if I was a camera man. My hands hold an imaginary camera and I make a silly sound effect pretending I just took a picture. “Stellar,” I smile at her, remembering how happy I felt when she first did it to me. 

She bites her lip and shyly twirls the tips of her hair with her finger.

“Oi, so how much longer before we crack a cold one?” Gary’s voice booms from across the lawn.

I sigh as I start to notice all the islander make their way back inside. I stand up and outstretch my hand to her, “I guess we should go and get to know the others a little better too.”

She sighs exaggeratedly and reaches for my hand, “If we must.”

She gives me a playful pout and my heart starts to ache. If she would’ve asked me to stay longer, I swear I would’ve stayed. “Yeah, you’re right. Chat more later, though?” She pulls on my hand to raise herself up.

“Count on it.” I try to ignore the fact that my pulse quickens as I feel her fingers linger in my hand. She slowly starts to let go and I couldn’t shake the small disappointment I felt.

We’re the last ones to meet up with the islanders but hang back from the crowd. It was then when I noticed that I haven’t the faintest idea who half of these girls were. “So, uhm,” I lean in to whisper at Luna, “you’ve met the girls already, right?”

She turns to me and places a hand over her heart and fakes a gasp. “Bobby,” she says dramatically as if she was shocked.

“Forgive me for being distracted,” I watch as they all walk around aimlessly in the kitchen in search of some drinks.

She tries to hide a smile as she nonchalantly points at the girl with the red band around her long braids. “The one coupled up with Noah is Hope.” She then focuses on the ginger I saw with Gary earlier, “she’s Hannah.” She directs a nod over to the Spanish girl in glasses, “that’s Marisol.” And she finally looks sadly towards the goth, “and of course, there’s Lottie.”

Her sudden change of expression reminds me of how troubled she was about her first impression with the girls. I reach for her hand and give her a gentle squeeze. She smiles sadly, and reassures me back with a squeeze before she pulls away.

“I’m sure you’ll be fine,” I say and drop my gaze to where our hands met. “Worse case scenario… you’ll always have me.”

“I think you mean best case scenario.” She gives me a cheeky smile before she walks into the kitchen to help in search for the drinks.

“So, we’re all here,” Rahim stops in front of the kitchen island, visibly frustrated. “What’s next?”

“We should all get to know each other,” Luna’s friendly tone welcomes everyone back around the bar.

“Yeah, I’m so excited to meet all of you,” Hope exclaims.

“If only we can find those bloody drinks,” Gary tenses as Hannah moves her way closer to him. He groans and shifts his eyes all over the place as if looking for an exit strategy. Suddenly his eyes beam and he breaks into a grin, “Ha!” He laughs, relieved, and points to a table full with champagne and flutes.

“That definitely wasn’t there before,” Noah speaks.

“Who cares? I need a drink!” He dashes straight for it. “It’s a bit fancier than I’m used to, but I can make it work.” He starts to open the bubble as we make our way over to him. There’s a loud and satisfying pop when we emerge.

“Why don’t all you men fetch us some drinks?” I turn to see Hope smiling as she begins to turn and walk away.

“Making he boys work for it, I love that.” Lottie follows suit and Hannah walks behind her.

“Can’t say I don’t love the attention,” Marisol shrugs and walks off, following the others.

_Kinda pointless, if you ask me. We were all already here so what was the point?_

I look around to the other lads and they all sorta shrug, except for Gary who visibly relaxes. They all turn to my right and look at Luna. “What about you, Luna? Want to give us a hand?” I ask her as I suddenly become vividly aware that they were all eyeing her.

“Yeah, I think I can manage getting my own drink.” She smiles playfully and all the lads start to laugh with her. Gary starts pouring and Noah starts handing down the glasses.

“Don’t fancy a girl’s chat?” I asked.

“I just want to get to know everyone.” She turns around to the circle of girls and shifts awkwardly. She was probably just building up the courage to go and rekindle with the girls. I hadn’t realized that this had meant to her this much.

“Fair play, I respect that.” I nod knowingly and give her a friendly smile.

The other lads seemed oblivious to it, though. “I don’t blame you for coming with us, to be honest. Hannah’s already starting to wind me up,” Gary jerks.

“I like her,” Luna says confidently and shoots him a challenging look. “She’s sweet. Isn’t finding love what we’re here for anyways?”

Gary flinches, taken a back, but springs right back up almost as fast as his slip up. “I don’t blame her for wanting that stuff. I guess I’m just more about the real world.”

“I guess we all live in our own worlds,” she replies back to Gary. I turn back to face her but she’s already starting to walk towards the girls.

“All I’m saying is… love ain’t all rose petals, you know. It’s all about finding someone who makes you toast when you’re sad.” Gary has a defensive tone in his voice.

“You can’t win love with toast, my friend,” Rocco shakes his head. “Love should make you write poetry, even if you don’t know how.”

Toast. Poetry. I guess I never really thought about what it would feel like. Or what it would make me do. I mean, have I thought about love? Sure, what lad doesn’t? But I always just brushed it off for something that Future-Bobby would have to take care of when the time came. Never had I stopped to consider it as a real possibility.

“I always thought it would be light and playful. It’s all about looking around the room to see if they’re laughing at all your jokes.” Without a second thought, my eyes search for Luna.

The girls are laughing at something that she said. She smiles at me and it warms my heart knowing that she’s okay. I give her a thumbs up, sending her my support and encouragement. She gives me another silly face before she turns back to the girls.

“I hate to break up the party, lads.” Noah speaks up, “but I think it’s about time that we’ve take these drinks to the girls.” We nod and follow off towards their direction.

I meet Luna’s eyes as we approach. I sit beside her and give her a cheeky wink. To my surprise, she returns it and the other girls giggle excitedly at their drinks.

“Welcome to Love Island!” Gary cheers and we all clink our glasses together. We take our first drink of the summer but all too soon, we hear a phone go off. Gary looks at his phone, “it’s me! Guys I got a text!’

He downs his drink and reads the text. Half of the islanders look excited while the other half look nervous at the sound of truth and dare. We all finish our drinks and make our way towards the fire pit. \

“Okay, is everyone ready?” Hope is the first one to jump in. “Let’s crack on!” Her exclaim is a little over the top.

Beside me, I could see Lottie lean in to Luna and whisper something. They both break out with a small smile and hush each other before we start. Hope reaches for a deck and ends up giving Noah a foot massage. Luna starts to cheer them on; Hope breaks into a smile, but Noah hides a blush that no one else seems to notice. I couldn’t help but feel this painful stab of jealousy as I remembered that he definitely took an interest in her too. But that all goes away when I hear Hope call Luna up next.

“I choose dare.”

Hope picks up a card from the deck as soon as Luna has chosen. “Okay, the dare is… Take a selfie and text it to the hottest Islander.”

I sit up straight with interest. It was hard to overhear everyone else’s comments over my own thoughts. She doesn’t give anything away. Instead, she turns her back to us, takes a quick picture and sends it off. Before I had a chance to overthink, my phone suddenly goes off. My eyes meet hers as my hand reaches in my pocket. She winks and a smile spreads across my face. I look down at my phone and opened my notification. There was sweet but flirty selfie on my screen. Her hand was wrapped around her hair in a very sexy way. She pouted her lips in a cheeky grin. Her eyes were intense.

I was so glad I was concentrating on my phone and away from the islanders, because I felt another blush coming on. “Thanks for choosing me! I can’t believe you think I’m the fittest person here.”

“I coupled up with you, didn’t I?” She brings her hand to her lips, kisses it, and blows me a kiss.

“You two are already so sweet together,” Hannah sing-songs.

Before we can react, they’re already questioning her of who’s going next. Gary was dared to do a sexy dance, but flaps around like a helicopter. We all had a good laugh. Marisol confessed that she’s actually into women. Some were more interested than others. A few more rounds go by until finally, it’s my tun.

“I choose dare,” I turn to Hope and she nods as she picks up a card.

“Oooh, this is a good one,” she squirms from excitement, “kiss the islander you fancy the most.”

I beam at the immediate thought of Luna. “I feel like I’ve only just me you all, but I don’t even have to think about this one.”

I walk my way over to her and lean in for a kiss. She reaches out to me, wrapping her hands around my neck, pulling me closer. There was no hesitation into the kiss. It starts off soft but quickly gets hotter. Her hands start to run through my hair and it drove me wild. She pulls, slightly but forcefully. It was enough for my lips to part and she deepens the kiss even further.

I lost myself with her touch but found myself back with her kiss. She was fiery and passionate. Everything around us stopped and in that instant, everything else was perfect. If it wasn’t for the others to start cheering, I probably would’ve continued to be caught in this bliss and have her wrapped around my arms.

We pull away for air and take a deep breath. She rests her foreheads against mine with a smile on her face and whispers, “our first kiss.”

“Wow,” I smile, “that was amazing. I love that you went there.”

“Okay, moving on…” Hope sounded annoyed, but I didn’t care... the whole game seemed like a blur after that. I kept wondering if she felt that. That intensity that made my head spin. The passion that lingered in the air, even after we parted. A few more rounds were played before it was time to disperse. I still hadn’t unpacked so I started making my way to the villa.

I made my way upstairs towards the dressing room, and started to transfer all my clothes to my side of the wall. I had almost gotten to the bottom of my luggage when I saw the small box that I brought with me. Looking at it started to add a heavy weight over my shoulders and I tried to ignore it.

We were sent this box prior to our arrival to the villa with specific instructions to fill it with things that reminded you of home. I tried to push the remnants of it in the back of my mind. I didn’t want to think about what was in the box right now… not when this day was going so well. But trying to forget only made my guilt feel worse.

I tried to think happy thoughts, but the only thing that came into mind was her. _Luna._ Suddenly I find myself walking into the bedroom in search of Luna. Being with her made me feel better. I just wanted to see her smile again. 

_I can have this day._

I heard her laugher coming from outside. I would recognize that laugh anywhere.

_Just this one day._

I followed her sound to the window of the bedroom. I looked out to see her on the day beds with Gary.

_I had this day._

I felt my heart drop instantly to my feet. My body felt crushed and for a moment, it was hard to breathe. Gary was smiling over at her as he flexed his muscles. I closed my eyes and tried to hold on to our moments, but it was clouded by Gary’s voice as it echoed from below. Those memories started to drift apart and I suddenly felt heavy. How could something so beautiful be so corrupted so easily? I mean, I was never a jealous guy. This was not like me. At all.

But then again… I never had a reason to _be_ jealous to begin with. Why was I feeling this? How can someone I just met have this kind of power over me? How does one girl mess me up this much?

I open my eyes and sneak another glance at them. Gary leans in and whispers something to her ear. She smiles and starts to laugh. Gary stares at her with a smirk.

This was crazy. I was mental. I had no right to be upset. She had every right to spend her time however she wanted, with _whoever_ she wanted. She was independent and I respected that. But that didn’t stop the fact that I was just too scared to lose something before it even started.

_Pull yourself together, Bobby._

“Guys,” I heard Marisol shout from downstairs, “I got a text.”

I watched as Gary and Luna hop up from the bed and make their way into the villa. I took a long breath and started to make my way downstairs, dragging my feet with every step.

_This place is messing with my head._

I stop around the corner, shake myself off… literally. Then jog my way around the corner with a pep in my step. “Did someone say a text?” I tried to avoid glancing Luna’s and Gary’s direction.

Marisol clears her throat before she begins, “Islanders, tonight there will be a welcome party. Please get ready to say hi to a very special guest! #drinksonus #droppingthebombshell”

There was an uncomfortable pause.

“Do we really need to read out the hashtags?” I reply humorously trying to ease the tension, but no one acknowledged it. They’re all just standing there, staring at Marisol’s phone.

_Tough crowd._

The room stays quiet, only for a moment before Lottie speaks up, worriedly, “Does this mean another girl?”

This was enough to get a reaction. Everyone started to look at each other, still shocked.

“Or it could be another guy,” Noah’s gaze hovered over Luna before he met with Hope. Hope reaches for his arm and gives him a squeeze.

“Well,” Luna steps up slowly. “I guess we should start getting ready then.”

Gary nods and takes a step forward, stopping next to Luna. “Yeah, lighten up people. We’re having a party.” He gives Luna a side glance, “this should be fun!”

_Great._


	4. Early Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems as though everyone else is considering about keeping their options open, after all, it's still early days... does this mean that Bobby has to start looking other ways too?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, this chapter is a little bit more on the angst side. How does that saying go? "Things have to get worse before they get better."

“So ‘fess up already, lads. How are we feeling?” Gary balances on one foot trying to put on his other shoe.

The crowd had dispersed and we were all getting ready for the party tonight. I was more nervous than excited, but by the looks of all the other lads, I wasn’t the only one. Ibrahim straighten his shirt in front of the mirror and shuffled awkwardly.

“I don’t know, I’m really bad when it comes to this. I don’t think Marisol is entirely into me and knowing that makes me even more nervous around her.” He shakes his head to himself. “I think I’m really messing this up… and if there’s another guy coming in… then I think I’m fucked.”

“It could be a girl, you know.” Noah runs a comb through his hair. “There’s no need to worry about what we don’t know yet,” he tries to reassure us. “You still have some time to try it with Marisol if you want to make it work.”

Ibrahim starts to open his mouth to say something but Noah continues, “or… you know…. crack on with someone else if you aren’t feeling it.”

Ibrahim shuts his mouth and frowns, confused. Rocco gives Noah a side glance but doesn’t say anything. Gary, however, cocks an eyebrow and says, “Noah… lad, are you—"

Noah’s eyes widen and laughs nervously. “No! Hope and I are great. She seems really into me and I like her too, so all is good. I was just saying… if Ibrahim here doesn’t feel a connection, the he should probably keep his options open; you know? There’s no reason to put all your eggs in a basket right now, anyways... being early days and all.”

He takes a deep breath and rubs the back of his neck with his hand. “All I’m saying is,” he turns his back to the mirror and faces us, “we’re not here to waste our Summer, alright? So, if you don’t feel like there’s anything there, then you should probably consider someone else.”

Noah places his comb down and reaches for his cologne. “That goes for all of us,” he straightens himself, “it’s what we came here for, right? It’s going to happen… there will be other recouples. So to not even consider it as a possibility is kinda naive, don’t you think?” He sprays his cologne and walks into the midst.

“You’re totally right mate,” Gary is the first to speak, giving Noah a nod. “I don’t think it’s working for Hannah and I. And like you said, it’s still early days, so anything could happen… right?”

Noah visibly relaxes and turns around to pick up his shoes.

“So you’re hoping for another girl?” Rocco speaks up as he finishes himself up. “The new islander?”

There’s a brief pause as everyone considers it.

“That would be something, wouldn’t it? A new girl?” Rocco smiles. “I hope she’s fit. And meditates. Someone who’d you take to Goat Yoga.” He becomes distracted into his own thoughts.

“What about you, Bobby?” Gary’s tone is nonchalant, “you hoping for a new girl?”

I turn to see him giving me a side glance, waiting for me to respond. Noah catches my eyes and raises his shoulders in a shrug. “I just want a proper chance with Luna,” I smile at Gary and he drops his gaze. “I think there might be something there and I think she feels it too.”

Rocco still looks distracted in thought and Ibrahim still looks nervous. I walk over to him and pat a hand on his shoulder giving him a reassuring squeeze. “Ibrahim, you gotta go with how you feel. If you like Marisol, then you have to work harder to show her that. It’s bloody scary man, I know that. But time moves differently here and you can’t afford to be left behind. If you want to work things out, now is the time.”

He continues concentrating on the floor avoiding us, but I continue. “But if you don’t think anything is there, then no one is going to judge you for grafting when you’re just trying to find your happiness. No one is going to blame you for anything when we’re all here for the same thing.” He takes long breath, looks up to me looking relived. “You just gotta be honest with yourself, mate,” I give him a friendly smile.

Ibrahim nods understandingly but still looked nervous.

“Just now, that if you need to talk, you’ve got a friend in me.” I nudge him playfully.

He rolls his eyes at me but gives me a half smile. “My friends call me Rahim,” his hand reaches for my shoulder and gives me a firm grip. “Call me Rahim,” his eyes meet mine and he gives me a final nod.

“I think this is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship,” I call out to him as we start to shuffle out the room to make our way towards the patio. The lads laugh in response and start to form a circle as we wait for the girls.

Being here, with the guys, made me double think everything. These were good lads, even Rocco I have to admit, even though he was in another sort of playing field.

I couldn’t help but remember when Gary tried comforting me when I was spiraling out of control before the girls arrived. Or how Noah seems to always reassure the group whenever things starts to get out of hand. Rahim offered to coach us during workout, though I’m not so keen into taking him up in that offer. Even Rocco seemed to have the best intentions, even if we don’t understand him sometimes. These were real mates with real insecurities, trying to be happy.

Guilt started to consume me. They were mates, not competition. They were all just trying to be happy and here I was trying to scam my way in. We have been looking out for each other since we arrived, so it only felt right to dub this as a proper friendship. Am I the only fake one? I mean, yeah, it was possible that any of them would try with Luna, as a matter of fact, I’m almost convinced that’s what Gary was doing earlier, but I couldn’t help but think… is she better off? At least everyone else was here for the right reason, so who was I to come in between that?

I was being selfish and was only considering my own feelings. I wasn’t thinking about what I’ve been doing to this girl. How would this end? What if she ends up falling for this false pretense and ends up broken hearted when I stick with the money? Did I really have it in me, to publicly humiliate someone with a breakup on the telly? Could I be that heartless?

“Oi! Oi!” Gary’s voice breaks my train of thought, “here they come!”

I searched for Luna in the crowd and was struck by how beautiful she looked under the moonlight. Her brown eyes lightened under the fairy lights around the yard and the way she looked at me took my breath away. She smiled at me as they gathered around our circle and I softened under her gaze.

“I’m glad you all waited until we were all together,” she shared her smile with everyone else. “It’s our first night in the Villa and I want to make sure we’re all bonding as a group.”

“That’s what I thought too. Let’s all have a great night together,” I say battling with my own guilt.

Should I follow these feelings with Luna or is she better off with another guy? She deserves to be happy and I wanted her to be. She shouldn’t have to deal with a guaranteed heartbreak that came attached with me, and I knew that, but the way she glistens when she looks at me… I just can’t help to stay away.

“Why are we still talking? You know there’s champagne over there, right?” Hope starts heading over to the kitchen to grab the bottle and some flutes. Noah heads over to give her a hand.

“So what do we think about the Villa so far?” Rahim starts the conversation. “Anyone gotten around to take a good look yet?”

Hope and Noah approach back with hands full on flutes.

“It’s amazing. You get a really good look of the Spanish hills up on the roof terrace,” Luna passes the filled flutes as Hope and Noah start to hand them around. “It’s real beautiful up there.”

“I agree, it’s perfect for headspace,” Noah avoids Hope’s side glance.

“That’s gonna be such a beautiful spot to sit out and look at the stars. I hope I’ll get a chance to do that one evening with someone,” Rocco looks directly at Luna and Lottie clears her throat. “I meant with Lottie, of course.”

Luna swallows hard and gives Lottie an apologetic look. She doesn’t say anything, ignoring his invitation and Rocco looks a bit disappointed. There’s a moment of silence and people start to take a sip of their drinks, awkwardly.

“The villa is great though. I’ve stayed in a lot of hotels during my golf tours but they’re nothing like this.” Rahim treads lightly.

Hope rolls her eyes, looking bored. “Sorry to interrupt this _riveting_ conversation. But I’m starting to see why some of you are single.”

“But weren’t we all single before we got here?” I give her a teasing grin and Hope gives me an annoyed look. The other islanders laugh it off.

“I was expecting better chat, that’s all.” Hope says defensively.

Another awkward pause.

“I like cheesy pick-up lines and corny puns.” Luna smiles awkwardly. “And don’t even get me started on dad jokes.”

“Yes, thank you!” Lottie joins in and everyone seems to relax at the change of mood. “Whatever happened to the classics?”

“I love them, I don’t even pretend to like them ironically, they’re just so witty and wholesome.” Luna leans her glass towards to Lottie.

“Totally agree,” Lottie clinks her glass with Luna and they share a smile.

“Dad jokes are quality humor,” Gary chimes in with agreement.

The night continues on as everyone takes a turn to come up with some of their best lines. Everyone settled into the night with a chill ease. There was quality banter, good laughs, and no more of Hope’s eye rolls. In fact, even she seemed to be having a good time.

I try to enjoy this moment and not think about the new islander. Or the fact that Luna seemed to be hitting it off with Gary. I tried really hard to be in the present and enjoy this moment before it was too late. The only way to manage that though, was to try my best to avoid looking towards their direction. Seeing them was a reminder of my own fears and insecurities, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to face that.

We were all having so much fun that we were startled at the sound of a chime from someone’s phone. Their laughter starts to die down and reality starts to set in.

“I got a text,” Hannah says and finishes the rest of her drink quickly. “Islanders, please go to the firepit and get ready to meet your new arrival. #newarrival #turnuptheheat”

“Let’s do this!” Hope jumps up and shepherds the crowd towards the firepit.

I turn to look for Luna and realize that she was already looking at me, her expression unreadable. It was then when it dawned to me that I hadn’t talk to her all day since the truth and dare game. And this was also, the first time I’ve made eye contact with her since she came down to the party.

She gives me a soft smile and I try to drown the way Gary is looking at her as he passes by. She gives him a friendly wave before she makes her way towards me. My pulse quickens and my chest feels heavier.

“What’s up?” Her voice is low as the remaining islanders pass us.

I remain silent, unsure of what to say.

“You’ve been avoiding me, Bobby.” Her eyes darken as she crosses her arms and furrows her brows. “Why?” She snaps, sounding annoyed and the very thought of it cuts me deep inside.

_I guess I deserve that._

“I-, Uh-“ I stumble into my words not sure how I wanted this conversation to go.

I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to continue following these feelings, but was unsure if I deserved it. The decent part of me was trying to convince me that I should let her walk away. That was the right thing to do, but I couldn’t bear the thought of losing her either.

_She doesn’t deserve this._

“Did I do something?” Her voice cracks. “Is it me?” Her face sad.

“No!” I reach out to her, but drop my arms when she looks away from me. “It’s not you. God, no.” I slap my hand across my forehead, trying to figure out how I fucked this up.

“Then I don’t understand,” she drops her arms and sighs exasperated. “I thought we were having a great time.”

“We did!” I reply almost immediately and she snaps back my way. “I mean… we are!” I step closer and take a deep breath in relief when she doesn’t move away from me. “Fuck me, I’m sorry.” I run my hand through my hair, trying to collect my thoughts. “I’m just nervous and I’m not used to this so I was kinda freaking out.”

I sigh in disappointment in myself. I was too busy focused on dealing with my own insecurities that I didn’t think about hers. I can’t believe that I hurt her. I can’t believe I made her think _she_ did something wrong. Knowing that, it made me feel heavier with thought. “I did have a good time. You’re great. I had tons of fun with you.”

Her expression softens but she remained silent.

“I just. I saw you talking to Gary on the daybeds earlier, and it seemed like you two were hitting it off. And then on top of that, there’s this thing with the new islander coming in... it’s just messing with my head. I’m not trying to make up any excuses, I just want to be honest with you so you can understand were my heads at. It’s just terrifying, you know? Especially since I don’t know where yours is at.” I meet her eyes and give her a solemn look.

She looks serious for a moment. She leans in…. and smacks her hand across my arm, fiercely. “You could’ve just talked to me, Bobby. That would’ve been easier than avoiding me.” She was feisty and stern. I stood there in a moment of shock, surprised.

She gives me a laugh, half nervous and half relieved. “You fucking scared me! I thought it was something I did… or something I said-” she raises another arm and shoves me again, this time playfully.

I reach for her hand and she lets my grip linger. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m just not good at this. I’m better at making people laugh… and, well, Gary is so fit-”

She closes her fingers in between mine and gives me a gentle squeeze. “I chose you this morning, and you kissed me this afternoon. What’s not to like?”

I give her a small smile, but can’t shake off this feeling. I had no know more. I had to hear her say it. “So, uhm, before we go out there… can I ask? Were is your head at? What are you thinking about you and me?”

Her expression goes back to unreadable. She pauses for a moment before she continues, “It’s only the first day—”

My heart drops.

“Oi! What’s taking so long?” Gary’s voice booms from the firepit.

Luna follows his voice and notices all the islanders shuffling around, trying to get a good glimpse our way. She turns to face me with a sad smile and her grip around my hand weakens, “I’m sorry, but can we talk about this later? This isn’t exactly the best timing.” She drops my hand slowly as she noticed the producers starting to direct us from behind the cameras, pointing to the firepit.

I’m still stuck into place, trying to process what was happening. I couldn’t be upset at her for wanting to meet other people. And she was right, it was the first day. It made sense to have your options open. And honestly, maybe it was better this way… for her. She deserved better, and I knew that.

She shuffles around nervously at my silence and gives me an awkward stare, “Bobby?”

“Shit, yeah. I’m sorry. Let’s go,” I shrug myself off and start to make my way towards the firepit, trying to hide my disappointment. I dig my hands into my pocket, trying to ignore any invading thoughts.

She looks startled. She frowns at the notice of my change in expression. I didn’t mean to make her feel guilty. The last thing I wanted was to make her feel worse. But I couldn’t hide my disappointment, no matter how hard I tried.

“Fuck,” Luna’s whispers, sounding frustrated. She looks at me like she wants to say something, but settles down before we’re in plain view from the other islanders. “Bobby—"

“Whenever you two lovebirds are ready…” Lottie smiles mischievously at Luna, but it drops with concern when she sees her serious face. She scoots over closer to her as Luna sits beside her, comforting her.

I take a seat at the end of the firepit, beside Noah and Hope. Behind the cameras we can see the crew guiding someone over, giving them directions towards us. Clicks start to get louder and the sight of a stilettos on stone reaches us first. A tall, stunning lass strolls in with an elegant white dress.

“Hi everyone!” Her voice was strong with confidence. “I’m so excited to meet you all!” She grins mischievously as she goes down the line. “The name is Priya,” her eyes lands on mine and she stares intently, as if daring me to look away.

I whistle under my breath under, without realizing it. She was just so intense that it was sexy and intimidating at the same time. She rests a hand on her hip, satisfied, and pushes her hair back with her free hand. She radiated and had everyone’s attention, for sure.

“Mate, I know.” Noah seems to be drawn into her confidence as well.

I look beside me to see Hope giving him a death glare, but he wasn’t paying attention. Gary looked at her with a smirk. Rocco was very obvious about eyeing her. And Rahim gave her a confident grin. The girls all seemed nervous though, and didn’t say anything. I wonder if they were waiting to see how we would respond.

“Well then,” I shake my head remembering Luna’s words to me. I steal a look towards her direction, but she didn’t meet my gaze. That stung like hell. I force myself to look away from her and start to make my way towards Priya, “I guess we’re the welcoming committee!”

The other lads jump to their feet and join me.

She meets us with a smile, “Hey boys.”

The girls stay behind as we start to make our introductions. They huddle and talk amongst each other before Marisol and Hope walk our way.

“Were you lads planning on keeping Priya to yourselves?” She smiles nervously. “How are you doing, babes? I’m Hope, it’s so nice to meet you.” She leans in and pulls her in for a hug. 

Marisol looks at Priya in awe and Hope returns to her place next to Noah, placing a firm hand on his arm.

“I gotta admit, I’m pretty nervous about this all. I feel like I’m gatecrashing the party. It’s kinda weird to be thrown in here when you’ve all got a chance to know each other. I was really worried I’d be fading into the background to be honest.” Priya gives a nervous smile and looks up at the remaining girls that haven’t yet introduced themselves.

“All you girls are so beautiful, and I know I’m slightly older than all of you.” She sighs heavily and turns to focus on us again, “I also know that some people might not be so excited about a new Islander coming along, messing things up. It’s just hard, you know?”

The remaining girls make their way towards the group. Luna was holding Lottie’s hand and gave her a reassuring squeeze. Lottie tried her best not to look annoyed and gave Luna a small smile. Hannah hovered nervously, waiting for them to make the first move.

“Hi I’m Luna,” she steps up and gives Priya a friendly smile. “You’re so stunning. I love the dress.”

Priya smiles and visibly relaxes, “You’re so sweet! Thanks so much, I love your dimples. You’re so cute!”

“Thanks,” Luna smiles harder, her cheeks reddening.

Lottie, however, isn’t as warming. Her and Priya take passive aggressive stabs at each other, though if we’re being honest, Lottie started it. Noah tries to break the tension but the atmosphere is still intense. Luna pulls Lottie away and they speak softly, probably trying to calm her down.

“I guess it’s time for the big question,” Marisol takes the moment of silence as an opportunity. “Have any of these boys caught your eye already?”

Priya smiles nervously under Marisol’s cautious stare, “I would say Ibrahim is my type straight away.”

“I’m so glad I asked…” Marisol sighs heavily.

“But Bobby has got gorgeous eyes too,” She gives me a smile. It quickly falls at the sight of Luna as she reappears with Lottie, joining back to our group.

Luna finally meets my eyes and purses her lips.

“But I’m trying not to tread on anyone’s toes.” Priya takes a notice at our interaction, her gaze switching from me and Luna.

Luna pulls away from my stare and faces Priya, “I think it’s only fair you get a chance to chat with all the boys.”

_Maybe she doesn’t care._

“And we need to get you a drink!” Hope ushers us back into the kitchen to fetch for some more drinks.

The rest of the night doesn’t seem like a party. All the other girls seemed to be talking to their partners when the lads weren’t having their turn talking to Priya. I hadn’t seen Luna for the whole night since the firepit and I was starting to feel that it was probably for the best. I still haven’t figured out what to say to her. And I probably wasn’t prepared to hear where our last conversation was going.

_“It’s only the first day.”_

I was sitting by myself on a bean bag, purposely away from everyone trying to catch a breather. The events of tonight were still circling in my mind and I was starting to feel sick. Needing another drink, I turn around, facing the kitchen’s direction only to see Luna making her way slowly to me. I could feel my heart start to quicken, but get taken back when she stops into place. The sound of someone sinking on to the bean bag beside me makes me turn around. It was Priya.

“Hey Bobby, I think it’s time we’ve had our chat,” she hands me the second glass she was holding.

I smile at her and give her a quick nod. She starts to get comfortable in her seat and I take this moment to turn around and see Luna retreating back inside. I sigh with slight disappointment but focus back to Priya.

“Sure, what do you want to know?” I try to sound pleasant, but my heart wasn’t in it, even I could feel the detachment. I take a sip of my drink, trying to liven the mood.

“I don’t know, tell me something about yourself.” Priya sinks deeper into her seat and takes a swig of her drink.

I think about her question and couldn’t help but to compare how bland and generic this question was as opposed to Luna. I smile slightly to myself, remembering what a grand time getting to know Luna. That felt much different because sitting here with Priya, just felt a little bit forced.

My smile quickly falters and I felt like a total prick for that, because of course it wasn’t fair of me to compare the two. I was a complete arse for even thinking of it. Priya was out here, trying to get to know me, and I owed that to her. She was trying. After all, Luna—

“I wanna know who Bobby is.” Priya tries hard to not let this go awkward.

I gotta give her that, she wasn’t a quitter.

But her words stuck to me and lingered on, blurring me further into confusion. Who is Bobby? That’s a great fucking question. Was I a liar? Was I a cheater? I wasn’t any one of these things until I came here, so maybe the better question was… who is Bobby _becoming_? Was I really ready, for _any_ of this?

“Bobby,” she reaches out to grab my arm. I jump slightly, surprised, since I was so deep in thought. “Are you okay?” She looks at me concerned.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I think I’m just tired. Long day.” I swallow the last of my drink and try my best to focus on this moment with Priya. She seemed like a nice lass and didn’t deserve this half-ass interactions. I was totally bombing this chat, and yet, she’s still here.

This wasn’t fair to her. She didn’t deserve a sulking Bobby. I needed to try harder and appreciate the fact that this stunning woman was giving me her time of day. “So my eyes, huh?” I laugh heartedly, meeting her eyes.

Priya joins my laughter and smiles. “Yeah, I noticed them first and thought they were gorgeous. But now, taking a good look at them, they’re even more beautiful up close.”

That word, it stuck to me.

Beautiful.

_“Your freckles… they’re beautiful.”_

I snap my eyes shut and try to push the thought of her away. I groan slightly and bury my face into my hands, my thumbs rubbing into my temples. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly before I focus on Priya again.

She was still looking at me, but this time, her eyes were studying me. Her lips drop into a small, sad smile, but she quickly turns it around and gives me an understanding look. “It’s okay Bobby,” she reaches for my empty glass and picks hers up. “We can do this another time,” she jumps to her feet and starts to make her way towards the kitchen.

“Priya,“ I call out to her, “—wait!”

She turns around, raising an eyebrow to me and gives me a questioning look.

“I’m sorry,” I give her a tired smile, feeling defeated.

“Don’t be,” she shakes her head. “Next time, Bobby,” she gives me a cheeky wink before she continues with a strut.

_Great, now something else to feel guilty about._

I groan and shut my eyes, fiercely. I throw myself out of the beanbag and into the grass, stretching out like a starfish. I try to focus on my surroundings hoping it would calm my thoughts. I could hear the soft chirps of a few grasshoppers that sound far away. I felt the tip of my nose get cold from the fresh gust of wind that chilled the night. Feeling my heart rate progressively slow down, I start to open my eyes. I concentrate on the sky as it sparkles with stars. I take a deep breath and stare with awe at the twinkling lights, thinking about how Luna had mentioned that watching the stars relaxed her.

_Freckles._

I smile, finding myself calming down without an interfering thought. She was right… this _was_ peaceful. I laugh to myself, feeling a sense of comfort. I shake my head to myself… am I seriously laughing at nothing? Have I gone completely mental?

Suddenly, the thought of Dad comes into mind.

_Laughter makes everything better._

I smile harder.

I jump up and start walking without a thought, not knowing where I was going. I find myself up at the roof terrace, and they were right… this was amazing. I walk around the terrace and engulf into the sights. I end up at the rest by the edge. I fluff a pillow and position it into place before I lay against it.

I was starting to enjoy this feeling even more. The stars seemed brighter up here. They felt closet. I raise my hand, reaching for them.

“Hey Bobby,” there was a soft voice coming from the shadows. “Mind if I join you?” Luna steps into view, already in her pjs.

Embarrassed, I stumble into a stance almost tripping on my own feet. “I, ugh-“ I straightened myself.

“Headspace, I know.” She sounds nervous.

“Yeah,” I rub my hands on my legs and sit back down awkwardly.

She looks up into the night full of stars and smiles. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

She looks at me, as if waiting for an invitation. I pat the seat beside me and give her an awkward smile. Her shoulders relax and she takes a seat next to me. There’s a moment of silence, but it wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. It felt like a much-needed silence that we shared. We took a moment to enjoy this view and collect our thoughts.

_Headspace._

Finally, she sighs and turns to face me. She meets my eyes but her body language showed me she was more nervous than she was leading on. “I know you said that you’re not good at these things, and if I’m being honest, neither am I.” She starts to play with her hands. “Which makes this scarier because if you don’t know how to talk about it, and I don’t know how to talk about, then I’m afraid we’ll just end up making things worse.”

She takes a deep breath and balls her hands into a fist, placing them on her sides. “It’s hard for me to make an honest connection with someone, you know, other than friendship. I mean I’ve dated a few times, but it never really got serious with anyone. So… opening up to someone… being so vulnerable… I’m not used to it. I never had to.”

She adjusts her body and sits in crisscross position to face me. She straightens herself, but places a pillow in between her thighs and hugs it protectively. “I’m scared too, Bobby, but we have to be able to talk about things to make sure that we’re on the same page. Time moves by fast in here; I don’t think we can afford _not_ to.”

I position myself, reflecting her and give her a knowing nod, “You’re right.”

She relaxes her grip on the pillow and instead, becomes more gentler, like a cuddle. “Really? I’m so glad you said that. I was really freaking out this whole time because I was scared that I fucked this up. I, uhm, don’t usually know how to react when I feel this way or how to say what I feel… so I kinda have myself a nervous breakdown until I can figure things out for myself. But this isn’t about just me anymore and I don’t want to runaway anymore… I really want to try and figure this out with you, together.”

I feel the weight of the world fall off my shoulders. There’s a sudden rush of wave overpowering my body with relief. I didn’t know that I needed to hear that, until now. This conversation was not going at all the way I had built it in my head, but I didn’t dare question it. I leaned into the hope she sprung to me and clinged onto her smile.

“What I was trying to say earlier was… that I know that we’re only on the first day, but I already feel like we have a real connection.” She smiles and reaches for my hands. “I really like this and I know it’s still early days and all, but I’d like to give us a shot if you do too.”

I relaxed into her touch; I hadn’t realized how stiff I was until I was able to melt with her touch.

“This thing with Priya though,” her thumb nervously plays with my hand. “I meant what I said. I think it’s only fair that everyone else has a fair shot in getting to know each other, to be sure. So if you want to talk to the other g—”

I close my fingers between hers and give her a reassuring squeeze. She pauses for a moment, and takes a look at the stars above us, once more, but this time it’s like if she was searching for something. She sighs softly, and glances back to my direction.

“All I’m saying is, I need to make sure that I end up with the right person. And I want that person to _know_ that I’m the right person too, and not just someone they got stuck with.” She holds my hand with a tighter grip. “So if you need time to figure it out, I’m okay with that.”

Another pause. But this time, I’m trying to find the right words to say.

“Thanks,” I start, trying not to get caught in my thoughts. “I, uhm, know exactly how you feel. We’re the same, I think. I mean it’s hard for me to connect with people like this,” I start to rub my thumb against her hand.

“Like with you,” the thought of it was easy enough but the words came hard to say, but I managed through. “I know how nerve-racking it must be, only, because I’m feeling it too… so I really appreciate you opening up to me. I was really freaking out about this too. I know that I didn’t handle this the very best either, so I’m sorry; but I’d really like to figure this out together… it’s actually kinda comforting knowing that you understand where I’m at.”

She smiles slowly and rests her head on my shoulder, leaning into me. “That thing with Gary—” she starts.

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I shouldn’t have brought that up, I’m sorry.” I release her hands from between us to pull her into an embrace.

I feel her smile against my skin as she nuzzles closer into my touch. “It was nothing,” I could feel her lips barely touch my neck.

I could feel her hot breaths on my skin and I tried to maintain my pulse. The longer our embrace, the faster my heart pumped. I tighten my arms around her and let my hand rub her back comforting.

“He came over to apologize. He said he felt bad for the way he acted. He thought that I was annoyed at him for what he said about Hannah. We talked it over and cleared the air.” She sits in silence for a moment and then continues, “Turns out he’s actually a good lad. A bit misguided, but good.” She chuckles to herself, “you know, deep down under the excessive flirting and cockiness.”

She pulls away from my embrace to look me in the eyes. “You say I don’t have to tell you these things, but I want to. I want to be honest with you, Bobby. I don’t want to be the reason why this place messes you up. Let’s try and keep that head from spinning.” She pokes my forehead playfully and gives me a teasing smile.

I chuckle, slightly embarrassed. Sitting here with her, under the moonlight, the troubles that weighed me down seemed smaller now.

“No but seriously,” her expression softens, “there’s nothing to worry about. Gary’s a good lad, but he isn’t it. I didn’t come into the villa to find who works out the most, or who has the best banter, none of that matters to me. I don’t want someone who think they have to impress me, I want someone that’ll just be real with me. I want someone that’ll open up to me, talk with me, and grow with me. I want to be given something personal, something _real_ , like your time and thoughts.”

I stare at her in awe, taking her in. She is so fucking beautiful. The more I knew I about her, the harder it was to let go. I felt truly lucky to be the one she’s opening up with. I felt happy to see her smile.

Her cheeks flush. She closes her eyes tightly and scrunches her nose. She crosses her hands in front of her face, shielding her embarrassment. “Fuck, I have got to stop making a proper melt of myself.”

I bite my lower lip as if that was gonna help handle how cute she was. It was amazing to watch her feel so passionately. Her little quirks were my favorite things about her.

“I think it’s cute,” I pull her hands down with mine, revealing her face.

She opens her eyes and gins at me sheepishly, “you think so?” She chuckles nervously.

Before I can give myself another moment to overthink it, I lean in for a kiss. I followed the heat of the moment and gave into my instinct. Her lips were cold from the chilly breeze, but quickly warmed up as she leaned into the kiss. It was slow and soft and somehow, this felt righter than when we made out in front of everyone.

This was intimate. This was private. This moment was just between me and her, and that made this more remarkable. I reach up to cup her face into my hands and she in return wraps her arms around my neck. The kisses her harder and faster, but not like before, for longing. This felt different, passionate for acceptance. Our kisses eventually get slower and softer until were left with small pecks. We pull apart, grinning from ear to ear.

“Abso-fucking-lutely.” I tuck her hair behind her ear and let my finger linger against her shoulder when I pull away.

“You’re not just saying that to make me feel better, are you?” She smirks at me, but her eyes still glistening with joy.

“Now you’re just fishing for compliments,” I roll my eyes at her playfully and try to hide my grin.

“It was worth a try,” she manages to say before she breaks out in a yawn. She rubs her eyes lazily and gives me a sleepy smile.

“We should probably head to bed,” I pop my head out the terrace and notice that nobody was out anymore. “Let’s get you inside.”

She nods tiredly and stretches herself out after she stands. We head down and pass the dressing room. I reach out for her hand and give her a soft tug to catch her attention. She stops and looks over me.

“I still gotta get changed, but I’ll see you inside yeah?”

She gives me a quick nod and turns back towards the dressing room. Realization sinks in that we might be sharing a bed tonight and my cheeks start to get flustered. I tug her hand again, not having let go in the first place, and meet her with a nervous look. “How do you feel about sharing a bed tonight?”

“I’m looking forward to it,” she smiles.

“I’m glad you said that! I was so much more nervous than I was expecting. But I’m really glad that we’re coupled up.”

She pulls my hand towards her and kisses the back of my palm, “me too.” She gently lets go of my hand, “I’ll staring warming up the sheets for you.” She backs away slowly and gives me a playful wink before she turns down the hall leading to the bedroom.

I quickly duck back into the dressing room and prepare myself for the night.

“Guys,” Priya comes out of the bathroom as I enter the bedroom. “I’ve got a text!”

There’s a few groans before sleepy heads pop up from under their covers and sit up. I find Luna uncovering my side of the bed, welcoming in. I sit up next to her and make myself comfortable as she straightened the covers around us. I smile at her and she leans sleepily against my shoulder.

Priya waits until everyone is paying attention before she reads on, “Priya, tomorrow you will get to choose one of the boys to couple up with, leaving one of the girls single and vulnerable.”

“I knew it,” Lottie hisses under her breath.

The rest of the other girls shuffle around nervously under the covers as they sink back into bed. Luna’s head find her way on top of my chest and rest there with an arm cradling around me. I wrap an arm around her and hold her tight, until eventually, she falls asleep.


End file.
